Self-Drama and Compliantcy

Last night I did a facebook post to Bipolar Awareness page. I thought it was worth sharing so I am now going to put it here.
There was a time in my battle when I thought BIPOLAR was the cause of everything I did. Denial of having this in the first place yet I used it to get me out of more shit. I abused alcohol and drugs. I did sexual misconduct, ran up phone bills, wrote bad checks for shopping sprees and I almost lost my daughter. I blamed all that on BIPOLAR.....not! Yes those things came from my illness, but if I were compliant they would not in the first place. I used an illness that I did not even believe I had. It was not until my daughter said to me, " Dad , I do not want to be around you anymore because I am afraid that you will let me down and break my heart." She is 14 yrs old and has been subjected to all the issues I mentioned before and she was hurt by them. My favorite saying to her was"baby daddy is sorry and I will change." Then she told me something very profound for a girl her age.
" Daddy, I am  so tired of hearing I am sorry and I will change. I'm sorry and I will change is only an excuse to get out of something you have to do!"  Wow, I woke up very quick and realized that she is sick of me and I am losing her for good. It was not until that happened that I decided that Bipolar does exist and I can control it if I become compliant. I thought that I would try what my Dr. and therapist has suggested. When I did, my symptoms became easier to manage and my hospitalizations stopped. I started a daily journal of my daily feelings, took my medication, started taking care of my physical health by exercising, eating balanced diet, and got help for my addictions and started meditation. Everyday that I did this I felt better and better. I now realize that my illness did exist. I can manage my health and have fun doing so.
I hope my story will help someone in the place that I were in. All it takes is the will to try it. Remember to, KEEP ON SMILING!!