Reaching out because of life

There has been countless times in my life when all I felt was a crippling feeling of loneliness. I was a child of deeper and very strong feelings of this. My parents was never home, my so called friends hurt me with words and physical haunting. It caused me to be an introverted kid that was shy and afraid of other kids my age. The only person in my life that always made me feel self worth, pride(but not boastful) and genuine trust even when I felt it was not there. I had a new sense of belonging by becoming a strong leader, brave, and accepting and that not everyone feels the same way. In retrospect, I became an angry and confrontational young man. After my grandfather passed, I started having my bouts of mental illness. I resisted treatment because at that time all I received out of it was a zombie like trance from severe amounts of terrible drugs(ie. Thorazine, haldol at some of the highest dosages) It was a long hard road to follow. Everything that was to make me feel better was worse. The one thing I did see was others like me. I always did my best at speaking to the patients(sometimes too much mania) Throughout those years I began to see just how lonely most patients were. It helped me to feel like I belonged with them. Not in an institution but in life. All the while I was abusing drugs and alcohol, I resisted treatment, self-medicated constantly, but I was still feeling lonely so I decided to meet a hospital friend with a serious depression or other issues. Eventually I knew I could do the same outside of my familiar environment. I now actively make conversation with those I see lonely. I feel as though a simple act of starting a blog, support group, and writing a book on my journey. I strongly believe now that if we stick together as peers in our situations. It will make it easier for others. So just know that you are not alone. We all(not just mentally ill)are the same. We all feel those feelings like happiness, loneliness, guilty, anger AND love!!!  See for yourself it helps. Peace to all of humanity!!

A Doctor's Advice

I was just on a bipolar awareness thread.  I thought of all us with bipolar and it never seems to amaze me of just how many desperate for education and healthy treatment. I am the first to admit the countless times I asked for medication advice from other bipolar patients instead of my doctors due to bad pdoc decisions and my trust in those like me. I thought I was my own doctor. I changed my own meds by advice from others. I played with the dosages and I discontinued those I did not like. In the long run, it hurt me deeply. My BP symptoms were out of control. My Pdoc was changing my meds monthly because everything she did for me I changed myself. UNTIL, I decided to do what she said to do. My side effects(or thought to be) stopped. My symptoms leveled out and I feel like a successful person among society. I am content and I am doing what helps make me better. I now post in these groups advice of being compliant. Only do what you are told to do. ONLY take your doctors advice because they are the only one knowing of your symptoms and can professionally recommend what you need for your health not another self -medicated person doing exactly what made you sick.

Seasonal Affective Disorder and effects on my bipolar

I feel as though this should be shared. My bipolar is only one of my list of mental issues, yet they all affect each other. My therapist and I like to say that "I fall back in the Fall and spring forward in the Spring." I have S.A.D. where by the seasons affect my depression and my mania. The link you may ask. In the winter months I tend to struggle with bipolar depression and in the spring I tend to have a steady climb to mania. UNTIL this year. I decided not to even think of that happening and concentrate on my relapse prevention. I had no depression and I had a sense of well being I never had before. Now I am doing the same for my spring time. This blog has really saved me. I enjoy putting my thoughts and feelings here. I am sure and confident that the way I process the seasons of the year simply by doing enjoyable things can, in fact allow a person to control symptoms of S.A.D.  seasonal affective disorder.

As I tell myself, "Be well and continue the journey!"